When I had severe, crippling anxiety in my 20's... it seemed that NOTHING was going to work... I had tried CBT, Psychoanalysis, Exposure Therapy, Beta-Blocker Meds, SSRIs... But all these things just MADE IT WORSE... :( Since these "normal solutions" hadn't worked... maybe I had to find a way to "shake myself up" in a different way?! So, one day in the end of August 2001, when I was 25 years old, I postponed my last year of University, and I bought an impulse plane ticket t

When I had social anxiety... everyone tried to "help" me by cluttering my head with shit... I was given - SCRIPTS of what I should say... - QUESTIONS that I should ask... - TECHNIQUES to debate with my thoughts... However, I ONLY HAD ONE BRAIN. I wasn't able to both have a conversation with someone AND deal with all this cognitive clutter my head! . So, what was the answer then... if it didn't lie in cognitive clutter? My solution was to SIMPLIFY my HEAD... and step into

I used to have a little angel-type creature on my shoulder called "Time Machine Marni". She believed that I could travel back in time and give my "former self" shit. "Time Machine Marni" was a real tight-ass perfectionist because she had the wisdom of hindsight. . 🔸 If I used the wrong word... "Time Machine Marni" told me to go back in time and correct it... 🔸 If I SAID something... "Time Machine Marni" told me that I shouldn't have said it... 🔸 If I DIDN'T SAY something..

I used to have really crippling Social Anxiety with everyone... including family members... Nothing helped me... therapy, medication, nothing... :( Then one day when I was 25 years old, I bought an impulse plane ticket to Budapest, Hungary to spend 8 months learning Hungarian. Maybe THIS could shake me out of this hell... . I lived in a student residence, and I managed to find a friend who truly understood me... and I was able to be fully honest with him. By the end of my s

One of the prevailing beliefs in the field is that in order to overcome Social Anxiety, we just need to expose ourselves to PEOPLE... and then our "fear of people" will fade away... This is a similar to the logic of what might help with the fear of spiders. (See picture below. 😂) However, social anxiety is not as SIMPLE as the fear of spiders. Human interactions are so much more COMPLICATED than that. . When I had crippling social anxiety, no matter how much I exposed mys

I was 21 years old... And suddenly one day... I was scared of my best friend... I had scary thoughts fill my head making me so nervous... I couldn't talk couldn't focus... I was absolutely terrified... And then I became scared of other people... Until I was terrified of everyone... Everyone... My life as I had known it was gone... I lived in a bubble... Unable to connect Unable to make friends... Unable to do the easiest of tasks... And it lasted for years and years... Until

Since going online, I have had a lot of "firsts"... My first VULNERABLE post... My first post that provoked a lot of "UNFRIENDING"... The first time I got "BLOCKED" by an individual and a group... My first online "HATER" who tore me to threads... . Every time I had a "first", I was filled with so many emotions... shame, fear, overwhelm, dread, self-doubt, etc... At times the emotions would get so strong that I was barely hanging on... trying to keep posting... keep conne

We often look at the current "evidence"... and believe that it determines our WORTH... - "I have NO FRIENDS... so I am not worthy of friendship." - "I have NO ROMANTIC PARTNER... so I am not worthy of love." - "I have NO JOB... so I am not worthy of work." - "I have NO MONEY... so I am not worthy of success." . We look at the current evidence, and believe that it determines our WORTH and our FUTURE... When in reality... Our WORTH is a constant... and our FUTURE can be whatev

Yesterday someone said to me, "I read your last post in the Google Translate format, and it sounded REALLY RUDE in Hungarian." I was like, "Google Translate?!!! How could I possibly prevent THIS from happening in the future?!" God... Then I realized, THIS is why I had writer's block all those years! . WRITER'S BLOCK is when we worry about what the most obscure groups of people might think... (for example, "Google translate readers", Uncle Barry, old classmates, trolls, that e

I would write a simple post... about nothing... I would click the blue "Post" button... And in 5 second's time, I would feel excruciating pain... Like someone was going to burst into the room and start screaming at me, Criticizing at me... Giving me royal shit... There was nothing WRONG with the post itself. I felt that it was ME who was flawed... And by posting, I was exposing these flaws to the world... . And then I finally realized... this too is a form of SOCIAL ANXIETY!

When I had SOCIAL ANXIETY... I thought the problem was ME... - "I was a social failure." When I had DATING ANXIETY... I thought the problem was ME... - "I wasn't beautiful enough." When I had POSTPARTUM ANXIETY... I thought the problem was ME... - "I wasn't a good enough mother.' When I had INTERNET ANXIETY... I thought the problem was ME... - "I wasn't good enough to be online." . With EVERY SINGLE ANXIETY I have ever had... I thought the problem was ME... I was 100% convinc

Why did you label me? Why did you look down on me? Why did you keep yourself a secret the way you did? Why did you focus on my symptoms? And obsess over my thoughts? Why didn't you see what my REAL PROBLEM actually was? Why were you so distant? Why didn't you HELP me? Why did you make my problems WORSE? . It's because YOU also had problems... That's why you studied psychology... But psychology didn't help you either... It wasn't your fault... It was the fault of academia... M

We are socialized to believe that there exists a perfect woman and a perfect man... and that THIS is the person we should be... We should, therefore, have a certain... appearance body weight height voice personality intelligence sexuality ethnicity religion social status work status financial status relationship status family background living situation... And when we DON'T, we are encouraged to worry about it, obsess about it, and spend whatever money it take to improve it..

One of the most painful things about anxiety is that it can put us way behind our adult peers... :( We can find ourselves "late" in our... - Studies... - Work... - Dating... - Living situation... - Financial situation... - Etc... The fact that we don't follow the typical adult timeline can make us feel what I call the third wave of shame... We feel shame for being behind on the timeline of life... Due to anxiety... I finished my University degree at 27... I started dating whe

My solution to Social Anxiety was "Honesty, Love, and Acceptance". However, really should rename it: "Honesty, Love, Acceptance & THE BATHROOM BREAK" 😆 And this is why... My solution to social anxiety was learning to alternate between Honesty, Love, and Acceptance... Here is how it worked with close friends... 1. LOVE I met up with my friend and told myself "LOVE HER". This prevented me from going into fear. <3 2. HONESTY Whenever I had a feeling or thought that was getting

Sometimes our solution to Anxiety lies in doing something crazy... That no one understands... That we can't explain ourselves... Like me taking off to Budapest, Hungary... To a place that I knew nothing about... To find a solution that may not exist... I didn't care that I knew nothing... I just needed to do something CRAZY... Because nothing else had worked! <3 . Does your solution lie in doing something crazy? What might that "crazy thing" be? Your intuition is telling you

Yesterday someone asked me for an example of how "Our Strengths are the same as our Weaknesses". I looked down at my skirt and saw the perfect example. I realized that I had been walking around Budapest with a huge "CHICKEN WING STAIN" on my skirt all morning. We had had chicken wings for dinner the night before... and... Oops... At that moment, I could have thought... . A) "I am such an absent-minded fool. I don't even have the awareness to look at the clothes I am putting

Here is a conversation I recently had with a client of mine... MY CLIENT: If I told my family members what I just told you, they would think I was crazy. MARNI: Oh no, you're not crazy. I have totally felt like this before. MY CLIENT: You have? MARNI: Oh yeah... you and I are very similar. MY CLIENT: We are? I'm like you? MARNI: Totally! We are VERY similar. We are both highly sensitive. We can feel what other people are thinking and feeling... We are both open-minded, and

I used to be the worst mind-reader on the planet... I was constantly in other people's business... worrying about whether they liked me... whether they were judging me... whether they were mad at me... I spent my life in OTHER people's heads... constructing the worst possible fantasies about all the horrible things they could be thinking about me... . Until one day, I made this earth-shattering realization: 🔸 When I was worried that people were MAD at me... I was usually

In our individualistic society, the field of psychology has often assumed that the INDIVIDUAL has a "disorder" that the INDIVIDUAL must overcome. However, I view mental illness as a SOCIETAL problem... and that the solution lies in having the right CONNECTION. In particular, we need the kind of connection that helps us feel LESS ALONE, less "weird", less crazy... and helps us truly believe that we are GOOD ENOUGH just the way we are. . For EVERY SINGLE ONE of my anxieties

The other day I failed... I forced myself to do something... Though I was way too tired... I could hardly speak... Couldn't focus... Got more and more nervous... Totally BOMBED the task... :( . Will it happen again? What if it happens now? Or now? Or now? Or now? . THIS is how anxiety begins. . What if it was a fluke? What it doesn't matter? What if everyone fails some of the time? . The other day I failed... And I WILL fail again... But instead of it ruining my life... And m

I had just written a vulnerable post online... and was feeling those familiar sensations of intense shame... I felt horrible physical pain in my arms... I felt so small... Every muscle in my body wanted to take it down... I felt so horribly exposed... And then something dawned on me... I WAS BEING SELF-CENTERED! - I was assuming that the world revolved around ME! - I thought that people were thinking about ME! - I thought that people were busy judging ME... - I thought that

The first step to overcoming anxiety is to not view anxiety as an innate personality trait. Anxiety is not a part of who you are. It is a SECONDARY SYMPTOM that is being caused by something else underneath. . Personality traits are things like - introversion, - high sensitivity, - being an empath, etc... . But, anxiety is completely different... It is an indication of a PROBLEM... It is a SYMPTOM... It is a SIGN... Of painful emotions or a painful situation under

One of the biggest challenges when we are trying to make friends and romantic partners is this: We can find ourselves too attached to the OUTCOME. We WANT more friends in our city... or we WANT to have a romantic partner... So, we go on the HUNT to find one... People tell us that if we just work a little harder, then surely we can achieve this feat... However, this attachment to the outcome can make us appear NEEDY and DESPERATE... which actually REPELS potential friends and