I used to believe that feeling Guilt, Shame and Fear was an inherent part of being a mother.... I remember my friend calling and asking... "So how are you liking motherhood?" And I replied, Well I am worried about X, I am looking into Y, I wish I had done W, and I am so confused about Z... And she said, "I see... But how are you liking motherhood?" And I had NO ANSWER to give... I felt NOTHING but Guilt Shame, and Fear... This Guilt, Shame and Fear were preventing me from fee

During my 20's, I was always looking for happiness OUTSIDE of myself... I would hop from country to country, learning language after language... I would feel happy during the first month in a new country... but then I would get restless... thinking that happiness must lie in a new place, a new experience. If only I could find a husband and have a baby... then maybe I could find happiness. Maybe then I would finally feel settled and at peace. . Well... at 31, I got married and

She was a perfectionist... She was intelligent, She always got straight A's... She found a good job... Worked hard... Got a promotion... Earned a good wage... Found a great man... Had a beautiful wedding... Found the perfect time to conceive... And then she had a baby... And FAILED like you wouldn't believe... She felt SO MUCH GUILT... and SO MUCH FEAR... and SO MUCH SHAME... She was a roller-coaster of emotions... A bomb ready to explode... She had always wanted to be a moth

In early parenthood, my relationship went to shit! We were constantly bickering over everything... We were living in "scarcity"... with us both feeling like there was not enough time, fun, or happiness to go around. Neither of us had any time to ourselves... and it always felt like the OTHER person was to blame. So, we kept bickering non-stop, feeling resentment towards each other... and there seemed to be no solution in sight. . This continued on for a while until I realized

Something that often happens when we become a mother is that we can feel that we have lost ourselves... It is like our whole being gets funneled into the ONE IDENTITY of "mother", and we lose all the others. One of my friends described this process as a "dismantling of self". :( One of the exercises that I developed to find myself again was what I called "OUR MULTI-FACETED IDENTITY". What you do is write down ALL the identities that you can think of for yourself. Keep going u

When I was a young mother, it would have never occurred to me in a million years what my REAL problem was… I was already 100% certain of what MY problem was: My problem was ME! I was incompetent, my parenting skills were atrocious, I had been failing constantly since the beginning of motherhood, and I was obviously not meant to be a mother. My feelings of failure often morphed into anger towards my daughter... which made me feel guilt... which propelled me into more anger

What if parenting could be simple? With no right way to do things, And no wrong way, Just my way... After all, this is my child, my family, my life... I am told that I must listen to the experts... Because I'm new to this and I don't know anything yet... This may be new to me... But my heart knows... My heart wants simplicity. My heart wants peace. My heart wants love. My heart knows how to be a mother... My heart will lead the way. ❤️ Marni Penner Anxiety Coach, Connection C

When I was a young mother, my head was full of "barking mental commands" like... "Enjoy your baby!" "Love your baby!" "Attach with your baby!" "Stimulate your toddler!" "Play with your toddler!" Etc. etc, etc.... All these mental commands going around and around in my head actually had the OPPOSITE effect of what I wanted... 🙁 The mental command of "Enjoy your baby" seemed to cause me to NOT enjoy my baby every time I remembered the command! The mental command of "Stimulate

One of the things that surprised me the most in motherhood was how impatient and ANGRY I became with my toddler after my second baby was born... I was nothing like the person I had always thought I was... I didn't know what had come over me. I felt so ashamed... and I felt so bad for my poor daughter. :( Every day I frantically googled "how to become more patient"... I even tried putting posters all over my house saying "Supernanny is watching"... hoping that an imaginary Sup

When I was a young mother, I was given the impression that I had to provide my children with the happiest childhood ever... However... many of those "amazingly fun" activities I was doing with my kids were actually putting me in a HORRIBLE mood... and my mood was ruining it for everybody. :( . So, one day I made the decision to take a WIN-WIN approach instead. "What would happen if I did activities with my children that 'I' actually found fun?" :) So... 🔸 I chose the conveni

When I was a new mother suffering from postpartum anxiety, I remember predicting that I was ALWAYS going to feel this bad for the rest of motherhood. My future looked so bleak, so painful... with so much shame, guilt, and fear. And so I kept falling back into despair again and again... I was never going to overcome this! I was never going to feel like my old self again! . Well, it was actually Daniel Gilbert's insights into Thanksgiving Dinner that gave me huge relief. In his

I look for the evidence... My baby? Crying My toddler? Biting My child? Sassing My partner? Complaining My parents? Criticizing The teacher? Scolding My mommy friend? Judging And the verdict is... Failing... That's how it feels... But what if the feedback is completely random, Having nothing to do with me at all? What if there is no success or failure? What if this is the norm? So maybe I am not failing? It just feels like I am? Exactly! You are not failing At a

In my opinion, one of the greatest things we can do for our children... is to RESOLVE our parenting-related SHAMES, GUILTS, and FEARS, and become the HAPPIEST person we can be. 🔸 When we resolve our parenting-related SHAME, our children no longer feel pressure to BE someone they're not. 🔸 When we resolve our parenting GUILT... we can be truly PRESENT with our children and have a RELATIONSHIP with them. 🔸 When we resolve our parenting FEAR... our children feel empowered to

When I was a young mother... I noticed the strangest thing... I was feeling tons and tons of painful emotions that there seemed to be no names for... I was given the words "anxiety" and "depression"... which were also medical terms... But I was feeling much much MORE than that... I felt this HORRENDOUS ROLLERCOASTER of emotions... going around and around inside me... with NO ONE ever talking about ANYTHING similar... So, I tried to ignore these emotions... I suffered in silen

When I was a young mother suffering from Postpartum and Generalized Anxiety... I felt like hell. 🙁 I felt like I was FAILING motherhood, womanhood, and life itself... However... I did finally find a solution... 🔸 I found two nanny friends who truly understood me, and with whom I could talk about all that I was experiencing. 🔸 I researched everything I could in alternative branches of Psychology, Sociology and other Social Sciences to figure out what was causing the painful

Whether or not we become mothers, almost all women suffer from at least one form of "motherhood shame" during their lifetime... Motherhood shame tends to fall in these five categories... <3 . A) Shame for NOT BEING A MOTHER... 1. Shame for not wanting to be a mother. 2. Shame for not being able to be a mother. 3. Shame for not having a partner in order to be a mother. 4. Shame for having fertility problems. 5. Shame for having had an abortion. 6. Shame for having had a miscar

When I was a young mother, I felt nothing but non-stop guilt... I felt guilty on the toilet, in the shower, cleaning, cooking, loading the dishwasher, at the hairdresser's... And when I was at work, it got even worse... I couldn't concentrate on a single thing I was doing... All I could feel, think, and breathe was GUILT!!! . It turned out that there are 2 types of guilt... - Legitimate Guilt - Societal Guilt 1. LEGITIMATE GUILT is when we are doing something we truly feel is

I spent my 20’s traveling around Europe trying to find myself... Then at 32 when I finally had, I decided to return to Canada to become a mother. I remember looking at all those mothers hanging out at the Calgary playgrounds thinking, “This is going to be so much fun. I am going to make so many friends with the other mothers!” Hahaha... Um no... Not at all... :( What I didn’t realize is that all those mothers at the playground were being oppressed by a kind of SOCIETAL OPPRES

When I was a young mother, I suffered from so many painful emotions you can't imagine... Shame, Failure, Guilt, Fear, Overwhelm, Powerlessness, Sadness, Disappointment, Loneliness, Trapped, Devalued, Judged... Feeling like the SHITTIEST MOTHER on the planet... . This rollercoaster of emotions pushed me into Anxiety, Depression, and horrific Anger... :( But, when looked up my problems on the internet, there were only TWO options for how I was supposed to be feeling: 1. Blissfu

The biological diagnosis of "Postpartum Depression/Anxiety" often makes young mothers feel better because the blame gets shifted from THEM to their BIOLOGY. ("It's not your fault. It is the disease.") However, I firmly believe that MY Postpartum Anxiety was NEITHER an individual nor a biological problem. I believe that it was a SOCIETAL problem. If we look at the stats... - During the FIRST YEAR of motherhood, 70% of mothers suffer from Anxiety, and 30% of mothers suffer f