During my 20's, I was always looking for happiness OUTSIDE of myself... I would hop from country to country, learning language after language... I would feel happy during the first month in a new country... but then I would get restless... thinking that happiness must lie in a new place, a new experience. If only I could find a husband and have a baby... then maybe I could find happiness. Maybe then I would finally feel settled and at peace. . Well... at 31, I got married and

In early parenthood, my relationship went to shit! We were constantly bickering over everything... We were living in "scarcity"... with us both feeling like there was not enough time, fun, or happiness to go around. Neither of us had any time to ourselves... and it always felt like the OTHER person was to blame. So, we kept bickering non-stop, feeling resentment towards each other... and there seemed to be no solution in sight. . This continued on for a while until I realized

She was a perfectionist... She was intelligent, She always got straight A's... She found a good job... Worked hard... Got a promotion... Earned a good wage... Found a great man... Had a beautiful wedding... Found the perfect time to conceive... And then she had a baby... And FAILED like you wouldn't believe... She felt SO MUCH GUILT... and SO MUCH FEAR... and SO MUCH SHAME... She was a roller-coaster of emotions... A bomb ready to explode... She had always wanted to be a moth

I had really bad generalized anxiety in motherhood... It was so bad that I became determined to find the solution for myself and everyone else. I had to find a way to free myself from that horrendous emotional roller coaster... so that I could have the emotional space to feel positive emotions instead. . So, I did tons of research into all areas of the social sciences... and I started identifying every single emotion I was feeling... "WHAT am I feeling right now?" "WHY am I

Our society has very strict "feeling rules" of what people are supposed to feel in different situations... For example... 🔸 Men should only feel STRONG EMOTIONS and never feel weak or vulnerable. 🔸 Young Mothers should only feel BLISS & FULFILLMENT in every second of the day. 🔸 Everyone should feel HAPPY, and SMILEY, and LOVE talking about the weather... 🤣 If ever our feelings don't correspond to these "feeling rules", then we are supposed to TRY to feel the appropriate

I used to believe that feeling Guilt, Shame and Fear was an inherent part of being a mother.... I remember my friend calling and asking... "So how are you liking motherhood?" And I replied, Well I am worried about X, I am looking into Y, I wish I had done W, and I am so confused about Z... And she said, "I see... But how are you liking motherhood?" And I had NO ANSWER to give... I felt NOTHING but Guilt Shame, and Fear... This Guilt, Shame and Fear were preventing me from fee

In our individualistic society, the field of psychology has often assumed that the INDIVIDUAL has a "disorder" that the INDIVIDUAL must overcome. However, I view mental illness as a SOCIETAL problem... and that the solution lies in having the right CONNECTION. In particular, we need the kind of connection that helps us feel LESS ALONE, less "weird", less crazy... and helps us truly believe that we are GOOD ENOUGH just the way we are. . For EVERY SINGLE ONE of my anxieties

With every single anxiety I've ever had... I was terrified of the worst-case scenario... 🔸 With Social Anxiety... I was terrified that everyone was going to reject me. 🔸 With Postpartum Anxiety... I was terrified that something bad was going to happen to my children... 🔸 With Internet Anxiety, I was terrified that a "hater" was going to come and tear my work to shreds... All of these fears consumed me... in every minute of every day... :( . At first, I told myself, "Just b

HOW I OVERCAME MY GENERALIZED ANXIETY (Roller Coaster of Emotions from Hell) For the first 36 years of my life I had horrible generalized anxiety... It felt like this horrible ROLLER COASTER of EMOTIONAL PAIN that went on and on and on and on... and never stopped. However, since I had had it all my life, I somehow accepted it as part of who I was... I was a Basket Case... and that was that. . However, when I became a young mother of 2 babies 18 months apart, the roller c

When we have anxiety, it is really common to get caught up in a vicious spiral of doom. We feel HORRIBLE in this present moment... and so we predict that we will always feel this horrible for ever more. Why does this happen? Well, they have found that our brains are only able to feel ONE EMOTION at any one moment in time. Therefore, if we feel horrible now... then we will imagine feeling horrible in the future as well. In other words, we "contaminate" our predictions of the f

I started my coaching career as a Postpartum Anxiety Coach... and what I noticed was that my clients seemed to be "escaping" into anxiety... They had all experienced way too much SHAME and FAILURE during pregnancy, birth or early motherhood... They felt like they were failing motherhood, womanhood, and life. :( These emotions were so painful that they literally "escaped" into terrifying irrational fears... such as... . 1. The fear that their baby was going to die... (OCD S

Something that often happens when we become a mother is that we can feel that we have lost ourselves... It is like our whole being gets funneled into the ONE IDENTITY of "mother", and we lose all the others. One of my friends described this process as a "dismantling of self". :( One of the exercises that I developed to find myself again was what I called "OUR MULTI-FACETED IDENTITY". What you do is write down ALL the identities that you can think of for yourself. Keep going u

When I was a young mother, it would have never occurred to me in a million years what my REAL problem was… I was already 100% certain of what MY problem was: My problem was ME! I was incompetent, my parenting skills were atrocious, I had been failing constantly since the beginning of motherhood, and I was obviously not meant to be a mother. My feelings of failure often morphed into anger towards my daughter... which made me feel guilt... which propelled me into more anger

When I was a young mother, my head was full of "barking mental commands" like... "Enjoy your baby!" "Love your baby!" "Attach with your baby!" "Stimulate your toddler!" "Play with your toddler!" Etc. etc, etc.... All these mental commands going around and around in my head actually had the OPPOSITE effect of what I wanted... 🙁 The mental command of "Enjoy your baby" seemed to cause me to NOT enjoy my baby every time I remembered the command! The mental command of "Stimulate

This week, someone asked me how I acquired my knowledge on anxiety... I wrote... I had really bad postpartum & generalized anxiety in my 30's... However, neither the medical model nor the mainstream psychological model could explain what was happening to me or where the solution lied. So, I set out to do my own research in all areas of the social sciences so that I could figure it out on my own. Such as... - relational psychology - sociology - anthropology - European gesta

When overcoming anxiety, we BOTH have to resolve our own negative emotions AND deal with the difficult people in our lies. The thing to remember is that... 🔸 We anxiety-prone people tend to INTERNALIZE our shame & unhappiness. 🔸 The people who hurt us tend to EXTERNALIZE their shame & unhappiness onto others. Once we understand that that both sets of symptoms are simply Shame & Unhappiness in disguise... then, we can BETTER understand the people who hurt us, learn to not t

What if parenting could be simple? With no right way to do things, And no wrong way, Just my way... After all, this is my child, my family, my life... I am told that I must listen to the experts... Because I'm new to this and I don't know anything yet... This may be new to me... But my heart knows... My heart wants simplicity. My heart wants peace. My heart wants love. My heart knows how to be a mother... My heart will lead the way. ❤️ Marni Penner Anxiety Coach, Connection C

One of the things that surprised me the most in motherhood was how impatient and ANGRY I became with my toddler after my second baby was born... I was nothing like the person I had always thought I was... I didn't know what had come over me. I felt so ashamed... and I felt so bad for my poor daughter. :( Every day I frantically googled "how to become more patient"... I even tried putting posters all over my house saying "Supernanny is watching"... hoping that an imaginary Sup

When I was a young mother, I was given the impression that I had to provide my children with the happiest childhood ever... However... many of those "amazingly fun" activities I was doing with my kids were actually putting me in a HORRIBLE mood... and my mood was ruining it for everybody. :( . So, one day I made the decision to take a WIN-WIN approach instead. "What would happen if I did activities with my children that 'I' actually found fun?" :) So... 🔸 I chose the conveni

When I was a new mother suffering from postpartum anxiety, I remember predicting that I was ALWAYS going to feel this bad for the rest of motherhood. My future looked so bleak, so painful... with so much shame, guilt, and fear. And so I kept falling back into despair again and again... I was never going to overcome this! I was never going to feel like my old self again! . Well, it was actually Daniel Gilbert's insights into Thanksgiving Dinner that gave me huge relief. In his

I look for the evidence... My baby? Crying My toddler? Biting My child? Sassing My partner? Complaining My parents? Criticizing The teacher? Scolding My mommy friend? Judging And the verdict is... Failing... That's how it feels... But what if the feedback is completely random, Having nothing to do with me at all? What if there is no success or failure? What if this is the norm? So maybe I am not failing? It just feels like I am? Exactly! You are not failing At a

In my opinion, one of the greatest things we can do for our children... is to RESOLVE our parenting-related SHAMES, GUILTS, and FEARS, and become the HAPPIEST person we can be. 🔸 When we resolve our parenting-related SHAME, our children no longer feel pressure to BE someone they're not. 🔸 When we resolve our parenting GUILT... we can be truly PRESENT with our children and have a RELATIONSHIP with them. 🔸 When we resolve our parenting FEAR... our children feel empowered to

When I was a young mother... I noticed the strangest thing... I was feeling tons and tons of painful emotions that there seemed to be no names for... I was given the words "anxiety" and "depression"... which were also medical terms... But I was feeling much much MORE than that... I felt this HORRENDOUS ROLLERCOASTER of emotions... going around and around inside me... with NO ONE ever talking about ANYTHING similar... So, I tried to ignore these emotions... I suffered in silen

When I was a young mother suffering from Postpartum and Generalized Anxiety... I felt like hell. 🙁 I felt like I was FAILING motherhood, womanhood, and life itself... However... I did finally find a solution... 🔸 I found two nanny friends who truly understood me, and with whom I could talk about all that I was experiencing. 🔸 I researched everything I could in alternative branches of Psychology, Sociology and other Social Sciences to figure out what was causing the painful