ALL I WANTED WAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CHILDREN...
When I was a young mother, my head was full of "barking mental commands" like...
"Enjoy your baby!"
"Love your baby!"
"Attach with your baby!"
"Stimulate your toddler!"
"Play with your toddler!"
Etc. etc, etc....
All these mental commands going around and around in my head actually had the OPPOSITE effect of what I wanted... :(
The mental command of "Enjoy your baby" seemed to cause me to NOT enjoy my baby every time I remembered the command!
The mental command of "Stimulate your toddler" seemed to cause me to NOT stimulate my toddler every time I remembered that command!
These mental commands seemed to have the OPPOSITE effect of what they were supposed to have!
So, instead of ENJOYING motherhood, I felt nothing but non-stop GUILT... caused by these barking mental commands!
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Then one day, I got tired of feeling so anxious all the time... so I decided to figure out WHAT WAS GOING ON?!
It turns out that our Society was telling me to "do my parenting research", which then filled my head with these BANAL, barking commands!
These commands were so condescending that I ended up rebelling from them subconsciously.
I later learned that this is exactly how Paradoxical Psychology works!
In paradoxical psychology, the psychologist fills the patient's mind with banal commands of what they are ALREADY DOING, so that the patient rebels and changes his behaviour!
This f-ing parenting research had been pushing me AWAY from my children!!!
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I was going to have no more of that!
So, I temporarily distanced myself from ALL THE PARENTING MESSAGES directed at mothers.
I was going to clear my head from this mental clutter and enter my HEART.
Moreover, I started reading the SOCIOLOGY of our parenting culture, so that I could better understand what was going on from above.
I realized that I needed to become vulnerable with my mother friends and ask REAL MOTHERS for advice... rather than subjecting myself to the banal, barking commands.
I started telling my friends... "I don't know what to do. Can you help me?"
And they did... and it brought us closer together. <3
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Everything became so simple.
I could now focus on having FUN with my kids, doing what "I' wanted to do, and having a RELATIONSHIP with my kids.
After all... All my heart really wanted was a relationship with my kids.
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This Heart-Based Approach finally enabled me to become the mother that I wanted to be, and find my happiness in motherhood.
It is hard to follow our hearts in a culture that does everything to prevent us from doing so...
But for me, it was essential because my heart is where my wisdom lies. <3
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Let me know if you would like to find out more about how I help mothers and fathers overcome their Anxiety, follow their hearts, improve their Relationships, and find more Happiness in parenthood.
To your happiness...
Marni Penner.
A Kanadai Coach :)