HOW I "PAST-FORWARDED" MYSELF INTO A YEAR OF HELL...
To "past-forward" is to do something in the future simply because you did something in the past.
The WORST YEAR of my life came into place this way...
I was 27-years old and I was FINALLY finishing my university degree in Linguistics (after having spent ages 21-26 with crippling social anxiety).
I was doing well in my courses, so one of my profs (who I had a crush on) convinced me to apply for the Canada Graduate Scholarship to do my Masters in Linguistics.
So... I pleased him and applied...
And I actually got the scholarship... Oh God...
THIS was when the "past-forwarding" began...
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My intuition was screaming to me that I DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT to do the Masters in Linguistics... After all, I had been disagreeing with the linguistics framework the whole time!
But, because I won the scholarship... the logical "past-forwarding" thing to do was to START the Master's degree...
Well, from the instant I set my foot in the door, I felt horrible feelings of doom...
But since I STARTED the degree... I "past-forwarded" in my mind that I must finish.
So, I kept going... drinking coke after coke... and eating copious amounts of junk food to COMPENSATE for the fact that I was ignoring my screaming intuition.
So, I kept gaining and gaining and gaining...
Until I realized... "I'd better quit this program or I will literally explode!!"
So, after the first year (of the 2-year program), I went back to Hungary to teach English... and I never looked back.
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Some of us have a very strong intuition...
We KNOW what we WANT to do and what we don't...
But, so often people tell us to be "rational"... which is to "past-forward" ourselves into a life of hell.
The truth of the matter is that it doesn't matter AT ALL what happened in the past!!
The real question is... WHAT DO YOU TRULY WANT TO DO NOW? <3
To listening to our intuition... and to having a wonderful year! :)
Marni Penner
A Kanadai Coach :)