WHY "EXPOSURE THERAPY" DIDN'T WORK FOR ME... and what did. <3
One of the prevailing beliefs in the field is that in order to overcome Social Anxiety, we just need to expose ourselves to PEOPLE... and then our "fear of people" will fade away...
This is a similar to the logic of what might help with the fear of spiders. (See picture below. 😂)
However, social anxiety is not as SIMPLE as the fear of spiders.
Human interactions are so much more COMPLICATED than that.
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When I had crippling social anxiety, no matter how much I exposed myself to people all day long (at work, at school, at parties, at the store)... my feelings of extreme PANIC remained and remained.
Therefore, it was a much DEEPER EXPOSURE that I needed to find...
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THIS was the exposure that finally worked for me:
1. We expose ourselves to SOMEONE WHO IS LIKE US and who truly UNDERSTANDS what we have been going through.
(For my clients, this first person is me.)
2. We expose ourselves to BEING HONEST WITH THIS PERSON about the shames at the root of our social anxiety, and the things we don't want to say.
3. We expose ourselves to BEING MORE HONEST with the OTHER PEOPLE we are closest to (or want to be closer to)... and we find ourselves feeling more connected with them.
These first 3 steps help us to feel less shame, less alone, and that we are good enough for connection, just the way we are. <3
4. We expose ourselves to BEING MORE HONEST WITH EVERYONE.. and we start OWNING who we really are and what we are feeling and thinking in the moment. <3
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We notice that we no longer spending so much time "acting"... performing... and trying to be someone we're not.
We are now much more honest & authentic... and our anxiety has gone way down.
We start feeling LOVE & COMPASSION towards everyone because we can now feel it towards ourselves.
This Love & Honesty enables us to be PRESENT in the social situation... connecting with people, befriending them, dating them, working with them, etc...
From my experience, THIS is the fastest way to overcome social anxiety... from the inside out. <3
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Let me know if you'd like to find out more about this powerful approach to overcoming social anxiety... and how it would work for you.
To the incredible power of HONESTY...
To DEEPER EXPOSURE from the inside out. <3
Marni Penner
A Kanadai Coach :)